the blog about what to do once you you’ve found a mentor- step 1
In my inaugural blog post I wrote about how to find a mentor and the little actions you can take even in this bizarre, uncomfortable, ever-changing-yet -somehow- monotonously- the- same, COVID-19 world. In this post, I’ll explore little things to do after you’ve found that great mentor, based on my own experiences, through a 3-part series (so this post doesn’t become absurdly long). So let’s start with…
…step 1: I’ve found my mentor...now what?! REACH OUT!
So let’s say, you’ve taken all of the actions that in the previous post (bravo!) so you’ve:
answered very specifically for yourself: what it is you want in your mentor
figured out how to find this person (google, LinkedIn or cooking class!)
determined it’s time for you to reach out
But now...do you send an email? InMail? Call them? Text them? Walk up to them (while wearing a mask and staying 6 ft away from them of course) or...just follow them on LinkedIn and hope they notice you?
No matter what approach you take, you’ve got to take the action. As the person who is seeking out the relationship, and wants to learn from them, it’s critical that you’re the one driving this relationship. Now, this is going to be much easier for you to do with confidence since you know why you want to connect with them. However, you also want to be sure you know (at least vaguely) what you’d like to accomplish together in your first meeting.
See example #1 below: my original email to my now-mentor (from the cooking class I mentioned in the previous post):
Hi Susan*,
So nice to meet you the other week at the cooking class with Chef Barbara in Foster City. I'd love to set up some time to get coffee with you and learn a little bit more about Amazing Blog Company (ABC)*.
What are some good times for you to get together?
Looking forward to getting to know you better :-)
Best,
Brianna
*note: whenever you see this asterisk it’s because I’ve changed the name for anonymity’s sake.
I knew that I wanted to learn more about an organization where she had been a senior leader, and, as you can read, my initial email was quite short and to the point. In this case, we’d already had the opportunity to chat for a few hours while cooking, so I didn’t need to craft a paragraph explaining why I wanted to connect with her specifically. But- I did include exactly why I was asking for that follow up-meeting. That simple addition of why you want to meet is one of the little things that people often leave out when they are doing that initial “reach out” to their possible mentor.
(Something I’d like to comment on in the above email, is my use of an emoticon :-) This worked for me in this situation, with this particular person and for my own personal style, as I’m an extremely expressive person. You’re going to need to gauge for yourself how you’d like to share (or not share) your emotions via text communications. I find text quite limiting and so I use the full arsenal of the keyboard to try and convey how I would be communicating this message in person. You need to do what’s right and appropriate for you. Above all, be YOU. Don’t be a fake manufactured version of you, as that will set you up for failure in the long run.)
Often, hopeful mentees who haven’t done the specific self-reflection on WHY they want the mentor, ask a broad question of “would like to get to know you” or “learn more about your career path” when they send their first communication. This CAN work depending on the mentor, but typically, sought-after mentors have multiple demands on their time, and 30 mins one-on-one with them, without them knowing you personally, may be hard to come by, and so the ask needs to be as specific as you can get. If you’re asking to “learn more about [their] career journey” - be specific...WHAT about their career journey would you like to know. If YOU don’t know why you’re reaching out, they certainly will not be able to answer that for you, nor will they likely want to meet with a stranger that doesn’t know why they even want to meet up.
If you haven’t had the luxury of already spending time with your possible mentor, and you’re reaching out cold, these principles still apply! See my example #2 below, of a LinkedIn message I sent along with my request to “connect” via LinkedIn to a senior professional who held a compelling session at a top industry conference I’d attended. After the session had finished, I’d waited in a long-line to meet him but never made it to the front of the line before he had to excuse himself to go to his next event.
So, I went for it—I sent a blind LinkedIn request with the message as follows:
Hi Robert*- I attended your session on knitting for beginners* at the Knitting Conference and Expo* and was inspired! I wanted to introduce myself after the session but there was (understandably!) a large group of people wanting to meet you. Would love to connect!
A week later he accepted my invitation to connect and I responded with:
Hi Robert*, thanks for accepting my request to connect. Again, so enjoyed your session at the Knitting Conference and Expo*. I'd love to invite you to lunch or coffee to learn more about best practices in Knitting. I'm sure you are very busy but maybe we could get together in mid/late July? (I used to work at Company 123* up in Springville* so would be happy to come up to my old stomping ground in Springville* :-) ) Please do let me know what works best for you. Thanks!
Notice here, I added a little more detail and I also drove the interaction. Obviously, this was in a pre-COVID world where you could invite people to lunch/coffee, but I offered to go to him, not the other way around. Often, I see mentees who reach out to potential mentors, but don’t necessarily think through the little actions that make them either more (or less!) desirable as a mentee. If I’m asking for your time, and we have no previous relationship or trust built, then I need to make it as convenient for you as possible, and, as clear possible, why I’d like to get to know you.
Robert didn’t respond...so I tried again two months later with:
Hi Robert*- following up on my previous message. Starting Q1 of our FY I will be taking over our entire Knitting for Beginners Program* which is exciting and slightly overwhelming all at once! Would it be possible to get together with you for coffee next month? Happy to come to you in Springville* if that works best. Please let me know when you have a moment. Thanks!
At this point, he did respond, and sent me his email address. We met for lunch and I’ll tell you more of that story in a future post.
What I want to point out here are a few...you guessed it...little things.
I was specific in why I was reaching out: “I saw your session and was inspired!”...then as time progressed I got more detailed… “I’m taking over Knitting for Beginners Program” - something that I knew he was an expert in, and, would certainly have some best practices to share. Now he knew I wasn’t “just” looking to connect after meeting him at a conference but rather that I had a “real” reason for reaching out- to learn from him!
I was persistent but not annoying: I understood I was asking a senior leader to meet with someone very new in role that he had never met before. His lack of response had nothing to do with me, but rather, that he had many other pressing priorities on his plate than to respond to a random person who wanted some of his time. I followed up and it worked! This will not always be the case, though, of course. My recommendation would be give it 3 good tries i.e. “connect” with a message, send a follow up message, wait...and then send one more. Then, just leave it alone. They might reach back out in the future, or they might not. If they don’t, then you know they are not the right mentor for you, because above all, you’ll need a mentor who is AVAILABLE.
I made it convenient for him: not only in offering to meet him, but also convenient to respond (or not respond). There was none of this, “I guess you’re too busy to get back to me…” or “this is my final attempt…” or “you' must’ve been abducted by aliens” (no joke I’ve had someone send that to me). Instead, I left it where he could connect/respond/agree to a meeting or NOT and not feel badly about it either way.
All of these little actions combined, made it possible for me to begin to build a foundational relationship with both of these mentors. I learned a lot from them! Our shared moments have provided me with several examples of what to do, and what NOT to do, for many more blogs to come. I’ll continue the story of what happens with both the “Knitting Conference” mentor and the cooking-class mentor as we explore steps 2 and 3 of what to do next.
In the meantime, take the little action, TODAY! Reach out to that person you’ve found and see what happens. Even if nothing happens, you are no worse off than you are today, and who knows? It might be the beginning of an exceptionally influential relationship in your life.
Stay tuned… steps 2& 3 coming shortly…
